


No One Is Alone

by DGCatAniSiri



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 13:43:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13147908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DGCatAniSiri/pseuds/DGCatAniSiri
Summary: Finn reflects on what he has found among the Resistance.





	No One Is Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Though I'm posting this after, this was written in its entirely before The Last Jedi was released. So there are no spoilers to be found here and no concern of where this would fit into its timeline.

Finn had absolutely no complaints about sex with Poe Dameron. On the contrary, it was often the highlight of the day (when they did have sex – some days they just wanted to cuddle, and some days they were too tired to even take off their clothes, let alone do anything more arduous than pull the blankets up and pass out). 

But he particularly enjoyed the moments after sex, the hazy afterglow, where it was just their breathing coming back under control and their touches were soft, memorizing the other’s body, not hurried or rushed at all, just gently telling each other that the other man was there, that he cared for his lover, that they loved each other.

That feeling, being loved... Finn loved it the most.

The First Order would have had its stormtroopers, maybe even the officers, who the hell even knew how far that went up, believe that emotions like love were a weakness. The First Order had breeding programs, pairing people up whose genetic profiles were determined to complement one another, create a superior progeny for the First Order. Finn didn’t know if he’d been the product of one of those or simply taken from some family out in the depths of space, beyond the borders of the Republic.

He didn’t know which he’d prefer to be the case. 

That wasn’t the case here. Among the Resistance, he’d found... strength, at least in terms of how to express himself. He’d thought he’d had friends among the other stormtroopers back among the First Order, but... He still felt the sting of the shout at Maz’s castle. 

_Traitor._

He knew that voice. It only bothered him now that he only attached a number to it, rather than a name (sure, there was a nickname, but it too was based on numbers, not a name, not an individual identity). He also knew that whatever camaraderie existed among the First Order’s soldiers, it was nothing approaching what he’d found among the Resistance. If Jess, Snap, Poe... If any of them were to see Finn opposing them, their first words wouldn’t be questioning his loyalty. They wouldn’t call him a traitor. They wouldn’t immediately set about trying to kill him, not even bothering to try and speak with him. They’d want to help him, free him from whatever brainwashing that the First Order would have had to put him through to bring him back into line. They wouldn’t believe he’d betrayed them, they’d believe he needed help. 

That was friendship. That was compassion. That was love. That was everything the First Order condemned. 

And embracing it would have made Finn enjoy it, even if he weren’t in love with Poe Dameron, or having made friends among the Resistance.

Finn realized that Poe was nuzzling his head against his neck, like a puppy begging for attention. “Hey. Finn. You seemed a few hundred light years away.”

“Sorry. Just... thinking.”

“Oh yeah? About what?” The comparison to a puppy was apt. Give him something new to focus on, especially if it was about the man he loved, and he wanted to learn everything. Finn loved that about him, his overwhelming joy at discovering new things. Finn was the one who’d been deprived of so much, and Poe never judged him for not knowing or not understanding something, he took joy in helping Finn learn what the First Order had deemed unnecessary for his role as a stormtrooper. 

“What the Order... taught us to believe.” Finn could feel Poe tense – anytime the Order came up, he was always uncomfortable, considering how much it had cost them, the people who’d died on Hosnian, the General’s husband, the lives lost fighting it... The Order had claimed a lot already, and the fight was only just beginning to heat up. 

Still, Poe tried to relax somewhat – it wasn’t as if there was a universe out there where Finn would go back to the First Order, not genuinely (some Resistance leaders had floated the idea of sending him to infiltrate some First Order bases, use his knowledge to funnel them information and just generally play as a mole, though General Leia had shut those ideas down pretty solidly even before Finn could get the chance to refuse). “Wanna talk about it?” he asked, knowing that Finn would tell him if it was something that he needed to say. 

“Just... what they drilled into us. How... even what I’d thought was friendship while I was there... wasn’t even close to what I have here.”

That earned him a smile. “Kinda glad about that...” Poe said. There definitely wouldn’t have been this between them in the First Order.

Poe’s smile was infectious, making Finn smile as well, chuckling even. “Yeah, I can definitely think of some places that Resistance fraternization rules are better than the Order, in every possible way.” Finn trailed a hand up and down Poe’s body, realizing that even that little act of affection was denied to the rank and file of the Order, maybe even the officers – not like Finn would ever have the chance to know. “But... It’s not just the friendship. You... WE feel more like a family.” Sometimes Finn couldn’t fully integrate himself into the Resistance when he spoke. He still felt at a distance, even knowing how Imperials had fled to the Rebellion and been welcomed, and the General had supported that attitude. He still felt like an outsider at times.

“You’re part of this family, Finn,” Poe said, knowing where Finn’s thoughts were drifting. 

The comforting words were always good to hear, and Finn knew they were true. Still, it sometimes was hard to keep that in mind. “Maybe it’d be easier to remember that if I knew what family really was,” Finn murmured.

There was a brief silence between them, the comfortable kind, where they were just thinking, not the awkward kind where there was something wrong. “Do you ever think about them? Your family, I mean. The one you were...” Poe trailed off, stopping before he began to babble.

“Sometimes. I mean, I wouldn’t know my parents if I passed them on a street. I just... I don’t know if I was taken, or if I was... from a First Order breeding program... If I have any brothers or sisters...” A thought occurred to him. “I could be a clone for all I know.” He’d read up on the Clone Wars, knowing that the Republic’s clone soldiers had come from a single genetic stock. That might not be true of the First Order, but taking samples of a handful of ‘perfect’ stormtroopers and making them the baseline of the entire army... That would be perfectly in character for the Order. Finn couldn’t completely repress a shudder at the thought. 

“And if you are?” Poe asked. Finn turned, surprise plainly visible. “If you were a clone, I mean... What would be different? You still made the choice to refuse to follow the First Order’s commands. You made the choice to leave the Order.” He smiled softly at his lover. “You chose to save me. Even if somewhere out there, there’s another man wearing your face, you’re an individual. You’re your own man, Finn. And you are a man I’m proud to be in love with.”

It was hard to be melancholy after hearing that kind of affirmation. Finn smiled. “You old flatterer,” he chuckled.

“I’m not that old,” Poe argued, though there was no heat in the protest. “In fact, I can show you just how ‘not old’ I am...” His voice dropped to a husky whisper, and Finn could feel that Poe could make good on that particular ‘threat.’

But Finn shook his head. “I think I need my sleep more. Big day tomorrow.” It was always a big day, trying to plan the Resistance’s next move, hoping that the Millennium Falcon would return with news of Luke Skywalker (for the General’s sake) and Rey (for Finn’s). 

Poe nodded. “True enough.” Still, he wasn’t quite done for the night. “Finn? Whether or not it’s by blood, we’re always going to be your family.”

And, Finn realized, blood didn’t matter anyway – it wasn’t as if he’d ever know who his blood family was, not with the countless trillions of humans in the galaxy who could be his mother, his father, his siblings... 

So long as the Resistance said they were his family, that made them his family, didn’t it? 

As Finn settled in against Poe, enjoying how the famed Resistance pilot almost craved being the little spoon, Finn smiled. 

_It’s good to be home._


End file.
